I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
