Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
