Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize