If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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