We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize