im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
