remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
