This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
