I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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