Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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