hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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