Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize