My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
