Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
