wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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