am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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