When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
