Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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