And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
