can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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