College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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