mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to fling myself into the sun
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