Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
