his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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