In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
