Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
