I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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