I just saw a hot homeless man
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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