I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I want is dick and wine.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
