maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
