As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
