Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
