We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
