when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
