i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
