we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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