I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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