we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
