i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
