My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize