i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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