Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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