I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize