hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
