I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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