i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
