Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're like the curious george of whores
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize