And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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