I'm lost and stupid without you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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