so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The uberlube is also flammable
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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