Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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