Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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