I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
