Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
