Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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