I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
