They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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