Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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