I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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