I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
