I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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