i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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