Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Found your dick twin last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Two words: blizzard sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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