friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
