Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
