I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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